In movies, characters fall in love, in more cases than not, have a whirlwind of romance, ooey-gooey eye gazing, and this sense of overwhelming joy because a special someone has entered their lives. Of course, the climax of the movie usually involves some sort of conflict, the couple splits, decides they can't live without each other, confess their wrongs and end up happily ever after. Now, after seeing that type of storyline over and over as a youth, one's thoughts about love are bound to be unrealistically skewed.
Life of course teaches you that the romanticized process of love shown on movies is, quite simply, a lie. My mother tried often and tirelessly to reassure me, particularly during my years in college, that love was a choice. She couldn't convince me at that time. I was not willing to abandon the fantasy of "you can't help who you love." But as I have grown older, and just a wee bit wiser, I am learning that love is in fact a choice. One could argue that you can't help who you fall in love with, and I would counter that argument by saying, you can help who you allow yourself to fall in love with. There is always a choice in this thing called love. Quite often, we allow ourselves to fall in love with people knowing good and well that they might not be the best person for us at the time. This behavior is probably attributed to the fact that most women (sorry ladies!!!) and some men are in love with the idea of love.
On the flip side of things bitterness and hurt can cause one to choose not to love all together. Opting to stay warm, safe and cozy in their cocoon of solitude. No one can hurt you if you don't love them. Remaining single is the best way to avoid being heartbroken. Trust me.
But there has to be a healthy balance, right? Choosing to love, but choosing to love with realistic expectations. Because after the initial newness of a relationship wears off you are stuck with a person. A person with, often, baggage, hurt, irritating habits, different opinions, annoying points of view, and the list could probably go on and on. However, that person comes with amazing qualities that enhance your life--companionship, laughter, support, growth, and an opportunity to become better. And if those wonderful qualities, outweigh all of the junk, I would venture to say that choosing to love is not so bad of an idea. It is work...even though some would argue with that sentiment as well. But some are worth the work; worth the disagreements, irritation, stretching, hurting, and sometimes even tears. The work, the love work, makes us self-less, more compassionate, more flexible and more loving. And if we are willing to choose to truly love, then we should be willing to work to sustain the love.
I guess the bottom line or lines are: 1) Love is most certainly a choice 2) Continuing to choose to love is an even bigger choice and 3) Choosing to love is work, but it's worth it...well, at least I think it's worth it :-).
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